On the Importance of Money and Love

I married for love. When we met, he was a student and I had a lucrative job. We have been inseparable since. For the past two plus years that we've been together money has been the root of our most intense arguments. His earning potential is at most half of what mine is when he has a job -- he has been unemployed for a long time. He does a great job taking care of our home and budget. BUT he feels ashamed every day that he cannot contribute financially and I'm tired of feeling the responsibility of being the sole provider and having to pay for everything all the time. We're both very open-minded people but the societal expectations and the expectations we were raised with is really hard to overcome. We love each other very much and are doing the best we can to overcome this mental hurdle. I have recently become unemployed, and interestingly, it feels as if our relationship is stronger -- perhaps because we are now at an equal level. Who knows what will happen next, but I do know that together, we can get through anything.

May be love can be by buy with money, i think

May love can be by money, i think

Firstly, thanks for the response! Now to argue Anonymous' (I'll keep your identity secret) 4 points. Here goes: 1. Franklin P Jones once said "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." Whilst I can't give you a rock hard definition of what true love is, I do know that love is what gives me hope. It gives me hope that I will not end up like "the old woman in the shoe" (minus her many children) and most of all it gives me hope that I will not have to live in an unhappy marriage. Love has been the maker for music, art, films, books and more. 2. I am aware that it is a film, but there is a reason that this love story has touched the hearts of so many. People may watch movies to live away from reality for 2 hours or so, but this does not mean we do not wish to live like the movies. Who wouldn't want to be as happy as Noah and Allie? Who wouldn't want Batman's superpowers and car?! We WANT what we see in films. We WANT to immerse ourselves in films because it is better than reality. But whilst we have the choice to marry for love and marry for money, we cannot choose to be Batman. 3. In regard to choosing my wording more carefully, thank you - I'll keep that in mind for next time. When my next article is published I will be sure to send you the link, hopefully there will be more approval. 4. That was a smooth way to show off your article! X

Anonymous, perhaps your time would be better spent offline, amongst *actual* people. I'm getting the sense that social skills are not your strong suit and therefore find you to be less of an authority on love than the author, or indeed even, say, the average toddler. You are proof that money can't buy happiness or love or even common sense, or else you surely would never have used said money to purchase a computer and an internet connection with which to spew inane drivel like that. The fact that your comment was longer than the original article on which you are commenting speaks volumes, i.e, you like to hear yourself talk much more than you like being a decent human being. The author stated her opinion. She did so plainly and succinctly. At no time did she offer that her OPINION was gospel or based on any scientific findings. She has an opinion, she is entitled to it. You are entitled to disagree with it, of course, but you are not sir, entitled to be a dick about it. Particularly when signing your name, "Anonymous" - a sure mark of a coward who lacks even the basic conviction required to stand by his own position. Your behavior is indefensible and regardless of how much love or money you might be privy to, you're an ass. My recommendation is that you leave the house once in a while, experience life beyond trolling from a keyboard and then get back to us in a few months. It could change your life.

A Nonny Mouse: Get a life! And an English teacher too: para 4 'effect', not 'affect'. And if you can define what true love is I'll shave off my beard and kiss Mary clean-shaven.

A few points: 1.You claim to be a "firm believer in true love", however you do not define what this notion of "true love” entails. Please clarify this for the benefit of the readers. 2.You cite the fictional film, ‘The Notebook’ before questioning why the type of relationship featured in the film is not the status quo. I would put that the success of ‘The Notebook’ is due solely to the fact that it is not representative of the norm. The reason the film appeals to you is because it contradicts your expectations. Films such as The Notebook, are often no more than 2 hours of escapism from the reality of everyday life – a life in which the characters from The Notebook rarely exist. I can’t imagine a film about a girl who pragmatically chooses wealth and stability over ‘true love’ doing too well at the box office. 3.You go on to pose the question ‘why does society find so much importance in money and wealth?’ Society, like any group, is simply a collection of individuals. Perhaps you should be asking ‘why is it that the vast majority of these individuals find so much importance in money and wealth?’ It is rarely “society’s” view that dictates such private matters. 4. To separate your idea of ‘love’ from money is wholly futile. Due to a long process of evolutionary adaptation, men have been providers for thousands of years, whilst women have mainly played a role in nurturing and care for their young. Put simply, this has clearly had an affect on what criteria men and women use to pick a potential suitor. It should comes as no surprise that many women today, who are biologically and psychologically no different from those living in our ancestral environment, attach a high level of importance to a man’s financial status. This is because it goes without saying that a man’s financial status is, today, directly correlated with his ability to provide resources to his spouse and children. See http://www.theurbn.com/2011/10/attraction-is-not-... for further details.

But can money buy you love...?

I thought Giorgio Armani was gay!

I slept and fell in love with a homeless person and now I'm well....homeless.

Lovely article! I especially appreciated the Sex and the City reference. I am in the last category of women that refuses to settle for anything less than butterflies.

I was broke and I fell in love with a guy who was broke too (when I say "broke" I mean we were both working for the money to pay for the rent, the food, the occasional movie + dinner). We were so in love we decided to get married two weeks after we met. Almost three years had passed since that moment and together we were able to fulfill our lifelong dream of moving to Europe and working from home. I wouldn't have done any of that if I'd just settled for the money (that wouldn't have been mine at all). You cannot "make love" but you can make money.

Great article! Thx